i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
