we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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