I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
In America we eat man semen.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
