You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
