its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
