Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
