Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm so fucking centered right now
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
