And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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