spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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