I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
