Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
