can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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