so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
