i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
