then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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