i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
