I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
