I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
