well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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