Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
