you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
