I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
