So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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