apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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