my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
