After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
