I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
