I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
