Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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