Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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