wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
