Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
