I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
