This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
