I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i out mim tonsoeep
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