I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
