Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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