And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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