I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
