New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
MIDGETS
????
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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