I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
