Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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