Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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