Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
