Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
