the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
