my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
