well you can't waste a boner
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
