Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
