69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
