Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
