I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
