My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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