Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.