Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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