420 ftw
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
