Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me