Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me