This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life