Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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