Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
