I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
