found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize