You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
