I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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