Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
