you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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