I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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