You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
