If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
