i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
