FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
