I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
