OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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