She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
