And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
