You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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