be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
