this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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