I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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