Duck Duck Cougar?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
