Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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