After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
